shaolin saturday

to the tune of billy joel's piano man:

it's 5 o'clock at the fox and hounds,

regular drunkeness sinking in,

there's all these losers sitting next to me,

ordering bourbon, sierra, but not gin...

you can either go home to shower and nap,

but you're better off staying out for the night

so shut the hell up, and stop throwing crap,

and make sure bob dole never leaves your sight

ooooh la la la de de dala la de de da da dum...

now payton at the bar is a friend of mine,

he makes us green shots for free,

he's so quick to say, that pepper is gay,

but really, he just wants to hook up with me...

he says freedom jew, i believe this is killing me,

you guys never leave me enough cash,

but i hear that you are a rock star,

let's hit your gig, and i'll bring my stash...

oh la la la de de dala la de de da da dum

now gattorn is a us aid diplomat,

who always has time to get high

and he's talking with vegas, about his big anus

and how asylum bartenders are super fly

and butler towers over us like minions!

while the lesbians start making out

and foofer and sam are virginians

which is sorta like giving yourself gout

drink up the river you're shaolin,

drink up the river before it's sparked

well we're all in the mood to act stupid and drunk

let's go, we're already feeling narked!