shaolin subliminal

What time is it? Game time?

2006-08-30T12:52:00.000-07:00

Is Shaolin and a competitor around at all this weekend, or are we waiting until the second Saturday of the month to do battle?

Adam

Summer Resurrection Temple

2006-08-21T13:36:00.000-07:00

Let us drop acid to dissolve the rust on the weapons commonly known as 'arms'. A call to arms of all monks of the Shaolin: play or die the death of a mere mortal, rotting without the glory of a rusty uke to their credit. Shall we shatter the chains of dormancy this Saturn's day, or shall we quietly rest our livers and arms for the Autumnal onslaught? You have until the New Moon to decide. Choose well.

Vegas Phoenix rises from Ashes of Sparks

2006-07-17T13:04:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the Shaolin Support Line (Au), I (think I) now have access to this crap.

Will this replace Evites?
Will Seth now respond?
Will the B-Boyz re-dominate?
Will B-nad be able to throw likes it not the 70s?
Will anyone answer Floppy when he calls?
Will Jen and Aurelie get lame-er now that they aren't dyking out?
Will Sunshine and Rahim really get it on while Gatt cops a feel?
Will people stop asking me stuff 800x, like when/where the game is?

all these pressing questions and more (but mainly the first/last) will hopefully be answered soon.

As the first test of the Emergency Shaocast System:
Anyone able/desire a game this weekend and/or next?
(preference on time/place/opponent?
Default answers are: High Noon/Stadium/Shamrock)

floppy's alley poem

2006-06-29T06:56:00.000-07:00

What I’ve learned from Shaolin Subliminal:

If you want to become Shaolin, then it goes a bit like this:
You throw a Hammer or a flick or a backhand or a diss
If Buttdart tries to slow-tackle, just avoid the boy piss
Then bring absinthe to the slut puddle for Floating Happiness
We support animal rights except when they lead to goose poo,
We support oil drilling in ANWR. Why? Because cari-BOO!
We all know that sex with Benny is lazy, drunk and nearby
But on which day did Johnny Cash and Mr. Ritter die?
As 100 days of Floppy are now coming to a close,
Still don’t know what a chalupa is, but I do know where it goes.
Gattorn thought I should scare tourists with cole slaw up my nose
Seth won’t leave DC unless the beer is free at Dr. Dremo’s
It’s called the High Temple, because one must rise above
Bilingualism’s not required though - No Speaky Spanish My Love
Sometimes we play walking-disc like a Shopping Mall Granny
Vegas used to play in dresses, lest we forget that he’s a tranny
At Iota, get your brains fucked by Sanjay the Pakistani
On your birthday, get a paddlin’ with some raw meat on your fanny.
At Asylum, play some cards with Pipas, Hot Stever and Fuzy,
At Theo Raspberry’s place, cannonball into the gay jacuzzi
It’s a bad idea to mix champagne and beer and sparks and straytee
It’s impossible to catch the scary backwards-walking Yeti
You’ll have to put up with a lot of irritating spam
But don’t worry – no one ever remembers to invite Sam.
Don’t turn your back on Bob Dole or he’ll put Sparks in your beer.
Did Vegas fart again? It smells like someone died in here.
Benny J is Rockin’ B-Face, Bonnie’s swearing at some kids
Gattorn emails from his cubicle about contracting the skids
If Foofer’s not drunk in a planter, then he’s emailing “Bring it!”
I’ve been told Sam lost his virginity before his father did.
There are no disabled people, only those who have met Lars.
The grizzly bear who slammed his head into some iron bars.
If you see Jules, you might meet Mini Bruce Willis the chef
If you read email, you’ll learn the perks of dating The Hot Deaf
If the cloaking device is on, then the torpedo won’t go far
If I’m shrooming, I run away as soon as I see Ragnar
Johnny G. gets jollies with patented boob-clamp moves
Bob Dole and Floppy taught the youth as Vegas substitutes
Jenny Donutz snares the lesbos with Pat Benetar hairdos.
And we all keep Fox & Hounds in business with our intake of booze.
Seth says “Gattorn, whatcha got there?” Gattorn says, “A bad idea.”
If you’re on a different WAFC team, I wouldn’t wanna be ya.
To beat a team of Not Rods, start defense with a Flop Op,
But don’t let them down the sideline or they will be hard to stop.
When grilling out with Freedom Jew, one searches for propane
When needing sick Defense, one looks to the Bmore train
Adam and Jon from Baltimore don’t sleep; they only wait
When Bonnie scans the horizon, it’s for babies to rape
At a Pussy Palace brunch, Aurelie finds weed in the microwave,
Seth calls fivesies on his chair, and Muehlberger calls Haring gay
Gatt once said that he expects to take it in the face each day
Shapiro’s boss stopped hitting on her, cuz with him, her secret’s safe.
Vegas got his ass kicked while by himself at Asylum
Benny J fell out a car trunk at Anacostia Dim Sum
Jonathan makes his ladies come by simply yelling Boo-Ya!
Don’t fuck with Butler either, or she’ll fucking sackjitsu ya.
Don’t try to drink and talk with honorary member Otto
I’m convinced he can’t speak English whenever he is blotto
Raheem, Blackie, chicken feet, snake eyeballs, Penguido,
One day we’ll go back to the swamp for the Turtle Albino
Holidays are much better with chicks wrestling in Jello
Freedom Jew beat up Flava Flav over her yellow cello.
It’s tough to win one-on-one Tablich with Novo Byrdo
Just in case he shows up, we should keep the corned beef warm for Leo
When Vegas hits the town in shorts and bloody legs, it’s spiffy.
But it’s nothing like the spectacle when I head-butted Kiffy
Piss him off enough, you might see Travis throw his hat
Get him drunk enough, you might get to sleep with the Gatt
Poor Gattorn had never had a peek at Sunshine’s smokin’ boobs
So he traded in the boombox for a North Pole prostitute
He held High Noon in the Lesbaru with three-foot Oracle tubes
Then couch-flipped Aurelie and wrote Food Rap Number Two:
McDonald’s breakfast sandwich Ham-mers, tacos, cole slaw, pumpkin pie
Flank spank, mushrooms, cake & cock, Ben’s Chili Bowl has good cheese
fries
Eat some Roshan Buzznana bread, turf the river, go Calzonee
Veggie burgers take forever from my favorite waiter Stressy
ValuJet is tasty but straight Hypnotic makes you pucker
Adam Sandy truly is the planet’s baddest motherfucker.
Don’t use a fork to eat salmon, use bears claws – don’t be silly!
At the pussy palace, they use fingers to brush their teeth with chili
If spiking Easter eggs with ham and tampons makes a Jew a sinner,
Then fuck it, let’s get drunk. Pass me a Sparks - it’s what’s for
dinner.
What goes in Vegas stays in Vegas, unless it’s Asylum food
And his hand in bowls of hummus might be funny, but it’s rude.
If we throw the final endzone point to Sunny, she’ll get nude
The hotness of our women makes male opponents come unglued.
Don’t listen to Sam at games when he yells “Don’t play defense!”
But please put Mark in a taxi if he’s sputtering nonsense
Vegas is the copycat graffiti artist Borf.
Gattorn uncovered my goat-kissing passion down at ORF.
I know not what epithelial cells or diverter valves are for
But I know when he’s not calling plays, NedRod’s out hunting boar
Sometimes we pick ‘em wrong, like with the short-lived Naughty Nurse
Once Socca Mom socked rednecks, and they had to call a hearse
Travis beat that tired joke like Tina got beat up by Ike
But he never joined us dancing with white people at Cheese Spikes
I punched my way out of the womb, grew a Mohawk, threw a hammer
Not good in bed? Gattorn gives lessons daily – “How To Ram Her.”
Douche Bag, Skid Mark, Taint, Big Lez, Dutch Oven, what’s that stench?
If Sunshine had gone bowling, kids would have seen the name trench
drench.
Turd Burglar is still looking to borrow a power sander
Herpes Magnet’s not sure if he’s ever seen Supreme Commander.
Gattorn drove 50 hours from Sir Lanka in a taxi
Just to demonstrate a reacharound on Buttdart with a Maxi
For your initiation, you might get an alley test
Buy her a finger blaster, you might bump with Sunny’s chest
Gattorn will tell you that he likes big veiny titty sag
But he’ll ditch the oney-bat if you’re caught with a paper bag
At the Pussy Palace peep show, you might get a sampling
At Seth’s apartment, Vegas might give you a 6/6 trampling
If you get conned into playing Swill Trek, Gatt will teach you how to
Spock it
Hang with the Butt, you’ll rock it, cock it, & bootyshake knock it.
DC9, Black Cat, the Raven, Townhouse, and the Wonderland
Five nights a week, Aurelie’s got a gig with a new band
Millie & Al’s, Staccato, Velvet Lounge, and Dan’s Tavern
Don’t pass the salt to Vegas or he’ll give you an ice burn.
When it comes to playing ultimate, we’ve got a lot to learn,
When it comes to randy sailors – sportin’ mast, lookin’ for stern.
Gattorn may have had butt sex with half of Team Barely Legal
But Vegas gets his kicks pantomiming a squashed seagull.
I was surprised to learn our shirts really say Subliminal
But I know once River Phoenix flows…Resistance, it Is Futile.

Whether babysitting Kuma, Tommy or their Boise Joe,
Shaving down my mohawk or out punching homophobes,
Pick a smoking lesbian, it doesn’t matter which,
She’ll stand ten feet tall and stick a knife up the fuck your ass,
bitch.
Freedom Jew is our connection to the Gaylord’s sweet hot tub
She sings Van Halen like a pterodactyl when in the mushroom club
Sitting in a disc golf basket, ducking a Vegas throw
Renting out her place to Puerto Ricans she doesn’t know
Mr. Muehlberger keeps hotboxing until he gets all blazed
Then demonstrates centrifugal force – you’ll be shocked and amazed!!!
Provided he has had his daily dose of gefiltefish
A short-range Orcus hammer is a guaranteed swish.
MLK, Arbor Day, Easter – with Vegas, take your pick
Every single game at Bluemont is an annual classic
He never got a hole in one for a butt shot; that’s tough,
But why does everybody always have to talk about stuff?
She thought that Gatt was selling his front porch seats on Ebay
And she’s always up for groin massage or rusty ukelele
In a life-or-death decision, she’d resort to cryptophage
But she used wedgies and rib punches in her 9:30 Club rampage
Hot admissions guy totally wants her cuz she’s a Freak of the Industry
She gave Seth a Floppy penis at his Superbowl party
She threw Frisbees out my car window and tamp-bombs the other direction
Fortunately when she tossed his underwear, Vegas didn’t have an
erection.
He might have a part-time job assisting Senator Bob Dole,
But he’ll be the first to text you that he doesn’t have a soul.
If instead he texts you something about cellist Yo Yo Ma,
You’ll likely find him on the curb next to officers of the law.
Pumpkin pie and motorcycle wipeouts leave him sore,
But his Jeffrey Dahmer freezer proves that he’s a carnivore.
Though he’s angry cuz ski tickets rose in price under Clinton
He still likes Adam Sandy cuz their hearts ain’t as black as their
skin.
Johnny G only masturbates to photos of Johnny G,
He travels as a diplomat, with a wallet full of weed.
His office doesn’t know he smokes, cause they haven’t made him pee.
But you’d think they’d get a clue from his “I Got Stoned In Gaza” tee.
Whether in Serbia, Liberia, East Timor or Iraq,
He’s sure to find a hot chick bartender on which to mack.
Each of this legend’s testicles weighs well over a pound
He loves to sing Amazing Grace, How Fuckin’ Sweet the Sound

One might accuse this team of suffering from mass delusion.
Pass me a Super Awesome and I’ll get to my conclusion:
Maybe we never won the lame WAFC Spirit Award,
But I never had a Subliminal day which left me bored.
Tablich, hearts and hockey, flip cup, bowling, shuffleboard
When sprinting backwards into valet signs, make sure to hit record.
From Seneca to Bluemont, College Park to the Woodshed
With our daily Sparks intake, I’m surprised that none of us is dead
From Callahans to savage days to smoking Amazon plays,
From the Fireplace to Haydees to U Street stumble parades.
My life in Shaolin t-shirts often seems a purple haze,
What does the back mean? Oooh! Very bad word, I cannot say.
To be a monk or priestess, one must betray zero fear
Gatt got confused, thinking it had to do with phones in beer
Sparkosa, Sparkarita, Sparking doesn’t need a reason
With our warped logic, Oh-and-13 was our golden season
I’m bummed I never saw scar shots through Gattorn’s congealed pus.
Jealous that you’re not Shaolin? Don’t hate cuz you anus.
Whether we lose in Anacostia or Stadium Shaolin,
Rockville, Fairfax, Polo Fields – That’s a paddlin’
When Jodi witnessed dog poo slow tackles, she yelled Achtung McCracken!
But if it came out of my body, how can it be bad to put back in?
These are the things you’ll do if you should enter Shaolin Nation.
For your first year we’ll provide you with an Elena translation
Tweedling the box, getting kicked out of the Fox,
Running five kilometers for the first Idiotarod
Six PBRs, an Irish Car Bomb, some expired Xanax.
What was that thing? Oh, just my liver slipping ‘tween the cracks.
Megaritas, Cloaking Device, 50-cent High Life
Hold the line, drink bags of wine, and let the hammers fly…
Snorting bourbon, smoking pot, and eating lots of shrooms
With Rebecca, Tess, both of the Jens, Dayna & Big Black Boo.
Two jumping jacks! A cheer! SHAOLIN HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!
Intervention? It’s a trap. Get an axe. For true.

Tony Vegas, most of Shaolin more likely to be gay

2006-06-26T10:57:00.000-07:00

By RANDOLPH E. SCHMID, Associated Press Writer1 hour, 44 minutes ago
Since Tony Vegas has an older brother, this increases the likelihood him being gay. This is one of many findings adding weight to the idea that there is a biological basis for sexual orientation, and that Shaolin Subliminal is nearly all composed of Queers.

"It's likely to be a prenatal effect on Mr. Vague Ass," said Anthony F. Bogaert of Brock University in St. Catharines, Canada, "This and other studies suggest that there is probably a biological basis for Stoney Tony’s homosexuality.

S. Marc Breedlove of Michigan State University said the finding "absolutely" confirms a physical basis, and may also lead to Vegas’ inability to effectively “shoot the Moon” at hearts, no matter how many attempts he makes.

"Anybody's first guess would have been that Vegas’ older brother has an effect on him socially, and the data in this test supports that," Breedlove said in a telephone interview.

The only link between the brothers is the mother and so the effect has to be through the mother, especially since stepbrothers didn't have the effect, said Breedlove, who was not part of the research.

Bogaert studied Vegas as he moon-lighted as a Shaolin Subliminal Female Asian chic, then went on Sabbatical to Singapore to finish out the research.

He reports in a paper appearing in Tuesday's issue of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences that Vegas is gay regardless of the ‘brother’ theory that was trying to be originally supported.

But, he added, this needs to be looked at in context of the overall rate of homosexuality in Shaolin iteslf, which he suggested is rating at about 89 percent. Most Shaolin have older brothers, many wear ridiculous clothing, some have serious substance dependencies to try and hide their ‘longing for shlonging’ (a term muttered unconsciously by Shaolin’s key party animal, Seth Haring while passed out on a curb the other week.) As more older brothers are being identified, the rate may increase from 89 percent to 98 percent.

One of the most alarming finds comes from studying Lars Krutak, representing the nation-wide Shaolin network in Phoenix, Arizona. He is so gay that the research became pointless. His gayness is linked to several older brothers and their relationship to his psyche. Plus he just likes fondling men, and also dogs. His identity was so clearly emerging in his drunken violent tackling rages, that he done married a woman quickly, escaped Washington DC altogether, and lives in quiet isolation researching mindless anthropological issues on scarification and tattooing to keep him away from the ‘tendencies’ that emerge on the ultimate field.

Biologically, the increase in the likelihood of being gay was seen only in those whose brothers had the same mothers, whether they were raised together or not, he said. Men raised with several older step- or adopted brothers do not have an increased chance of being gay. Vegas is gay. Otto is not gay. He was conceived from a jackal, thereby relinquishing his relationship with a biological mother and father. Radio Raheem? Also, gay.

"So what that means is that the environment a person plays ultimate Frisbee in, and where they eventually get drunk in really makes a difference," he said. “Hell, maybe Fox and Hounds is Gay, who the crap knows. Research indicates that the bartenders there tend to inhale dong, so maybe there is some polinization effect in their strong mixed drinks. Hell, my research can draw parallels anywhere you want. I’ll blow someone right now. Who wants a little?" Dr Breedlove concluded.

The research was funded by the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada.

ah liberia

2006-04-20T07:24:00.000-07:00

The Analyst (Monrovia)
NEWS
April 20, 2006
Posted to the web April 20, 2006

The saying "when the moon walks, day light is bound to catch it" has come to pass in
the case of a man described as one of New Kru Town's most notorious rogues.

Following years of unhindered pilfering, Archieboy met his fatal end Tuesday night at the Duala-Caldwell Road junction on the Bushrod Island.

He was said to have been mobbed to death after being caught stealing a mobile phone from another man who was on his way home from job.

There are several accounts as to how he was apprehended before being mobbed to death.

One report says he met his fate when a cutlass he had used in his missions was smartly taken away by the man (not identified) and whose mobile phone he had snatched. The report has it that this man used the cutlass to hack him.
Apparently God being on his side, according to some residents who claimed they were on the scene, after Archieboy took the phone, he attempted to run across the road but the cell phone owner smartly hit one of his legs to bring him down, instantly.
Without wasting time, the man allegedly got hold of the cutlass and began to hack him. Other residents seeing the victory of the cell phone owner also joined him and beat the deceased to death.

Another side of the story has it that he was hit by a moving vehicle as he sped across the road after snatching the mobile phone.

There was no one, including police officers to provide security details as to the cause of his death.

These accounts of how Archieboy might have met his death are therefore the only ones in the absence of factual account.

But as one resident who was on the scene said, "The biblical saying of 99 days for rogue, one day for master" has come to reality with the demise of the notorious rogue, then a dreadful criminal.

His lifeless body was left exposed at the junction as everyone who heard the news sped to the scene to take a glimpse at his corpse.

Mothers, fathers, the young as well as students on their way to school, diverted from their duties to proceed to the scene to see the lifeless body of the man who caused many to lose their hard-earned properties.

Part of his body was covered with old rice bags, blood oozed from his mouth and nose and as he lay in a pool of water, apparently created by rain.

One viewer described him as the worst criminal who ever existed in the borough since its establishment.

The late Archieboy was reportedly a son of a mini wealthy man in the Duala community, who has a very large compound.

According to those who knew him, his parents advised him many times against stealing others' properties but refused to change.

vegas

2006-04-19T12:33:00.000-07:00

What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas. That's why his corn hole is so stanky.

-gut

queers

2006-04-17T11:26:00.000-07:00

I was at a bar (we'll call it "Asylum") and overheard a great song,
(downloading as we speak) by the Queers - who apparently have
the best song titles ever - and tailor-made for Shaolin, look:

Asylum: 'This Place Sucks'
Fox: 'Fagtown'
Buttdart: 'I Wanna be a Homosexual'
Hot Carl (Gatt): 'Next Stop Rehab'
Floppy: 'Stupid Fuckin Vegan'
Pfeuffer: 'Don't Puke'
and the follow-up, 'I Didn't Puke'
and, 'You Make Me Wanna Puke'
Au: 'Yeah, Well, Whatever'
Sunshine: 'Drop the Attitude Fucker'
Sam: 'I'm Not a Mongo Anymore'
Dole: 'Teenage Gluesniffer'
Bonnie: 'Boobarella'
' I Just called to say Fuck You'
'See You Later Fuckface'
and 'My Cunts a Cunt'
Shaolin: 'Love Songs for the Retarded'
Vaugeass: 'Sayonara Suckers'

tell me you don't want to hear each and every one of those?

-vegas

shaolin's not cool, man

2006-04-14T12:25:00.000-07:00

I guess it's "not COOL" to play ultimate this weekend. Sorry I didn't
get the "MEM-MO." I guess all the "COOL" kids will be "doing REEFER" and
"slamming BREWSKIS" with Bob Dole and playing stinky pinky with little
Sally Rotten Crotch and "SHOPLIFTING" from near-sighted Asian grocers
with Rick Santorum. WHOO! LET'S PARTY! Pass me a brewski! Give me some
of that sweet Reefer man! WOOHOO!! Cause that's what YOU guys are into.
That's what's "COOL." That's what's "AWESOME." Not doing homework or
playing frisbee. That's not cool, that's not AWESOME. That's like LAME,
man. Frisbee's like lame, man. Scarshots are like stupid man. Gattorn's
got testes like Raisinets, man. Reefer and shoplifting. That's where
it's at. Losers.

-SamD

what does haiti have to do with us

2006-04-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

Getting back to you on the subject of what does Haiti have to do with us ---

In 1803, after years of slave and indigenous uprisings in Haiti against the fucking French (Yeah, freedom jew, I said it), the French finally was like "auwh, deez black peepel are zway too uppity for us civilized type. Let us forge our own destiny and forget deez surrounding landz. auwh"

So the French began their way back west, and that included areas North of Haiti including their failed attempt at taking on N'awlens and surrounding areas.

So the French were all ike "auwh hey Washingtoon types, le dumb asses, the uppity's be your destiny. Ill sell you Louisiana and everything to the west of it for $15 million Bucks. Then Napolean leaned to the side, pretended to cough, and said in Homer Simpson like fashion under his breath "suckerzz".

So like the Americans, that being us, were like.............UHHHHHHHHHHH -- OK! So, the biggest land purchase in the history of the world, being the Louisiana Purchase, took place between the USA and the French for the cost of a couple 7 bedroom houses in Georgetown. We got California. They got le boot (luckily they weren't German or they would have got Das Boot).

And it started because of the wonderful country in present day Haiti.

thank you gut.

travis in training

2006-03-28T09:18:00.000-08:00

potluck planter: by jules

2006-03-27T10:51:00.000-08:00

A more accurate description of the beer flavored
momentum that drove foofer into the plants would
be "barreled". Whilst on the sidewalk giving some
chick my rap, which she dug, a spectacular
bespectacled sandal shod blur of questionable
sexuality kind-of cartwheeled over the iron wrought
things that protect the fagile spring flower sprouts
which try in vain to bring a whisper of dignity and
innocent vitality to an otherwise perverse length of
the 18th street ...pock marked with vomit, drunks and
shameful collegiate whores who have no right trying to
fit that much tits, ass and cottage cheese into so
little halter-top and stretch denim.

A passerby pleaded that "someone betta help 'dat man
[in sweatpants who just tumbled into 'dat parked
vehicle]". At first I chuckled and pointed but then
recognized the poor bastard. Amanda and I helped him
up to his wobbly mozzeralla-like legs and asked if he
was "ok." The question would prove to be rhetorical.
He straightened his glasses adjusted his tie (which he
wasn't wearing) and trampled over the prepubescent
flowers to a cab which I had courageously hailed.

We shoved him into the cab as best we could, but his
head hit the top of the doorway and could not make
passage through the door at the same time with the
legs. We heaved with our backs and I shared a moment
with a passing 'ho who no doubt symathized with my
struggle a few hours earlier trying to get those hams
past the waistband. Foofer gurrgled something about
going home and having had too many Zima's at Freedom Jew's
BBQ.

My inventory of stock cab driver destinations is
limited to the Townhouse Taver and... The Fireplace
but I decided to save that ace for another night when
Marc wouldn't have lost consciousness along with
inhibition. Who knew he liked hip-hop so much?
I gave the driver a $20 and told him to "get this man
home as soon as possible." And when I meant "home", I
meant DC Eagle.

-Cooker Jules

this is my cheer and i'm sticking to it

2006-03-22T14:04:00.000-08:00

firebirds firebirds, we're changing your name
to fireturds fireturds, which we're leakin' like "valerie plame"
fireturds fireturds, you're all a bunch of liars
saying you don't know how to play, then pinch us with pliers
Fireturds fireturds, by whom we were sharked
If you had a drink on the sideline, we'd make sure it was sparked!

shaolin saturday

2006-03-21T08:11:00.000-08:00

to the tune of billy joel's piano man:

it's 5 o'clock at the fox and hounds,

regular drunkeness sinking in,

there's all these losers sitting next to me,

ordering bourbon, sierra, but not gin...

you can either go home to shower and nap,

but you're better off staying out for the night

so shut the hell up, and stop throwing crap,

and make sure bob dole never leaves your sight

ooooh la la la de de dala la de de da da dum...

now payton at the bar is a friend of mine,

he makes us green shots for free,

he's so quick to say, that pepper is gay,

but really, he just wants to hook up with me...

he says freedom jew, i believe this is killing me,

you guys never leave me enough cash,

but i hear that you are a rock star,

let's hit your gig, and i'll bring my stash...

oh la la la de de dala la de de da da dum

now gattorn is a us aid diplomat,

who always has time to get high

and he's talking with vegas, about his big anus

and how asylum bartenders are super fly

and butler towers over us like minions!

while the lesbians start making out

and foofer and sam are virginians

which is sorta like giving yourself gout

drink up the river you're shaolin,

drink up the river before it's sparked

well we're all in the mood to act stupid and drunk

let's go, we're already feeling narked!

the diversity of shaolin

2006-03-03T11:37:00.000-08:00

i'm sorry, but i just love this picture. just like the personalities of shaolin, our moustaches are quite diverse.

Whirlpool baths where Vegas gets drunk: enter at your own risk

2006-03-03T07:08:00.000-08:00

By Megan Rauscher Thu Mar 2, 10:46 AM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Better think twice before soothing those aching muscles in Jules' hot tub. A new study shows that whirlpool bathtubs can be a breeding ground for disease where ever and when ever Vegas' little penis becomes submerged.

Dr. Rita B. Moyes a microbiologist at Texas A & M University tested 43 water samples where Vegas insisted raucously to get naked in from both private and public whirlpool bathtubs. "Every tub tested where Wasted Vegas threw off his underwear had some kind of microbial growth," she told Reuters Health.

"And I was just getting the few organisms I was testing for, so it is probably just the tip of the iceberg as far as what is really present all up in Vegas' skanky crotch. Also, I did no viral testing, but there's not doubt that Vegas' cornhole is chalked full of super funky disease" Moyes emphasized.

In 95 percent of the tubs where Vegas drunkenly wallops, bacteria derived from feces were present, while 81 percent had fungi and 34 percent contained potentially deadly staphylococcus bacteria.

Moyes explained that a teaspoon of normal tap water contains about 138 bacteria and many samples are bacteria-free. A teaspoon of whirlpool tub water where Vegas insists on baring his dirty dong, on the other hand, contains an average of more than 2 million bacteria.

The interior pipes of whirlpool baths that are not filtered or chemically treated, and non-maintained hot tubs, are prime areas for potentially infectious microbes to congregate and grow, especialy on a sub-species like a drunk and high Vegas after a Shaolin game, Moyes noted. These organisms often form a biofilm - a community of organisms specific to the seventees wanna-be, plaid wearing, Caprice driver, which work together and are more resistant to cleaners.

When the jets are switched on, the bacteria-packed water gets blown into Vegas pee wee hole. "Due to the movement of the water, an aerosol is created that carries these organisms down into Vegas' clammy orifices - something that doesn't happen to regular hot tub revellers, especially the so-fresh-and-so-clean John Gattorn" Moyes explained.

The bacteria found in whirlpool baths that Vegas floats his River in can lead to a number of diseases, including urinary tract infections, skin infections, and pneumonia.

So who is most at risk? "Of course anyone who knows with and gets hammered with Tony Vegas", Moyes said. "That kid is a Wreck".

In short, If you are having recurring infections, consider the tub where Vegas got high and naked as a potential source. Moyes' research is published in an online journal called Vagueanomics.

2006-03-01T16:12:00.000-08:00

Screw you guys, I'm forcing home.

name change

2006-03-01T10:34:00.000-08:00

due to anonymity concerns, i'm changing my blog handle from "marc" to "travis farted". thanks.

Gat's right Detroit is pretty cool

2006-03-01T10:08:00.000-08:00

Boy, 12, Sticks Gum on $1.5M Painting
Tue Feb 28, 7:40 PM ET
DETROIT - A 12-year-old visitor to the Detroit Institute of Arts stuck a wad of gum to a $1.5 million painting, leaving a stain the size of a quarter, officials say.
The boy was part of a school group from Holly that visited the museum on Friday, officials say. They say he took a piece of Wrigley's Extra Polar Ice gum out of his mouth and stuck it on Helen Frankenthaler's "The Bay," an abstract painting from 1963.
The museum acquired the work in 1965 and says it is worth about $1.5 million.
The gum stuck to the painting's lower left corner and did not adhere to the fiber of the canvas, officials told the Detroit Free Press. But it left a chemical residue about the size of a quarter, said Becky Hart, assistant curator of contemporary art.
The museum's conservation department is researching the chemicals in the gum to decide which solvent to use to clean it. The museum hopes to make the repair in two weeks and will keep "The Bay" on display in the meantime, she said.
"Our expectation is that the painting is going to be fine," Hart said.
Holly Academy director Julie Kildee said the boy had been suspended from the charter school and says his parents also have disciplined him.
"Even though we give very strict guidelines on proper behavior and we hold students to high standards, he is only 12 and I don't think he understood the ramifications of what he did before it happened, but he certainly understands the severity of it now," said Kildee.
___
On the Net:
Detroit Institute of Arts: http://www.dia.org

2006-03-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

too much sake last night. i feel bloggy.

seth's cat

2006-03-01T06:56:00.000-08:00

seth, why is your cat defacing the sidewalks in my neighborhood?

Teacher to Return After Having Sex Change

2006-02-28T10:18:00.000-08:00

By JOHN CURRAN, Associated Press WriterTue Feb 28, 4:18 AM ET
To students at Emerson High School in Washington DC, he used to be Mr. Muelberger. Now, after undergoing a sex change, 33-year-old Antoinette Le-Vega’ is ready to return to teachinb.

Despite criticism from parents and his ultimate Frisbee team, the school board on Monday stood by its decision to allow Antoinette to resume working as a science teacher.

After two hours of public debate and a private meeting at the Fox and Hounds with his/her lawyer Bonnie Miluso, the board took no action on calls by several parents to bar Le-Vega’ from returning to the school where he taught for five years before becoming a woman.

"It was magnificent," the Fem Boy said afterward. "You saw democracy in action, and you also saw my C Cups!"

Antoinette, a former deep deep turned handler and all around frisbee enthusiast/hearts loser , underwent gender reassignment surgery last year and re-applied for his teaching job under his new name.

The flame boy on Monday told the school board and the crowd that he loves teaching and children, and looks forward to returning to the classroom.

"This is not something I got into just as a whim," he said.

Several parents said children in the school — which consists mostly of degenerate teen age drug addicts — were not smart enough to understand the concept of changing one's gender.

"I, as a parent, am appalled to have this issue brought into a child's psychology," said the entire Cup of Antoinette’s Frisbee team as they practiced the “flop op’ fried on mushrooms.

His other teacher/friend Mr. Bagley predicted "chaos" at the school when the students learned of Antoinette’s surgery.

Young children will be confused by the conflicting appearance of that transformer person, who has a deep voice and masculine features but otherwise looks like a woman, other parents said.

"I will not allow you to put my kids in a petri dish and hope it all turns out fine," said Homo bashing Mark Pfeuffer, who had taken out an ad in a local newspaper urging parents to turn out for the meeting.

Several people spoke in support of Antoinette, including three transgender people, two former students of Le Vega’ and a handful of others, saying that the fact that he is a good teacher was more important than whether he appears as a man or a woman in class.

"There's really nothing to fear because a person is transgender," said Jen Doney, a mother of no school-age children who said she has transgender relatives, including one uncle in Hamtramack, Michigan.

School board attorney Paul Carr said Antoinette was a good teacher who had received favorable reviews during his tenure as a substitute.

Earlier this month, the board voted 4-1 to accept his application to return to the classroom.

It's unclear how soon the queer will resume teaching, Carr said. That depends on the need for substitutes and the availability of certified teachers who get priority when a spot opens up, he said.

Steven Goldstein, chairman of Dupont Circle Equality Association, a gay rights advocacy group supporting Antoinette’s bid to resume teaching, called the school board's action historic. Yet they mentioned that he sucks at hearts so badly that they question the accuracy of his past performance reviews.

you have a duty

2006-02-28T10:13:00.000-08:00

to come see justin trainwreck and aurelie at velvet lounge.
wednesday 3/1 9pm

free range sucks!

2006-02-27T13:45:00.000-08:00

man, if i know one thing for sure, it's that free range blows.